Connect ... Disconnect ... Hang Up ...

Those who remember having used this type of telephone

Stolen from http://mylusciouslife.com/retro-vintage-antique-phone-pictures/

would understand the importance of patience when calling someone. After all, it is often located in a stationary position (unlike mobile phones that you can take with you all over creation including the bathroom, ew ...) and if the person we call did not pick up, we don't go all paranoid android that the person we are contacting is trying to avoid us.

We understand that the person we call is probably:

1) Not at home
2) In the shower
3) Running out of the loo but was too late to pick up the phone.

We work at trying to call people because dialing itself is an effort (no speed dials or automatic calling from phone book function), not to mention requiring little grey cells that store a string of numbers of the person(s) with whom we wish to connect.

Human connection is beyond one individual calling another individual for conversation, be it amiable or a screaming match. Human connection extends to the pesky neighbours whom you think are whispering about you behind their lace curtains, the colleague who always share stories about his colicky baby and sleepless nights, your best friend in school who still go out to get drunk with you and many other people who make up the social fabric into which you are knitted.

This connection reinforces our personal identity and helps to orient us to our position in this world and our community. Unless you are a survivalist nutter who thinks that the aliens/government/whatever is out to get you, you are likely to live in a community (be it urban, suburban or rural) where you are required to interact with people at some point in your day.

But what happens when your sense of personal identity somehow does not mash with the community in which you live? What if you feel disconnected, disjointed, the jarring note in the harmony, the nail that sticks out and keeps getting hammered? What if you feel like all your life and actions are totally meaningless in the grand scheme of things? What if you feel like you never knew what acceptance feel like; even something as mundane as an automatic smile from the bus driver never comes your way because you feel that your personal identity is not acceptable to others?

All this came to my mind as I was listening to Prof. James Piscatori at the Institute of Advanced Islamic Studies yesterday. Prof. Piscatori has been studying Muslim politics throughout his academic life and had shared his views on "Muslims in Europe: Towards a New Civic Pluralism".

He kinda reminds me of the dad in Numb3rs.

Muslims in Western Europe are largely recent migrants who moved en masse in the middle of the twentieth century, thanks to liberal immigration laws of the time. Like all immigrants, they had to adapt to life in the decadent West and try to reconcile it with their faith and culture. Some have been successful, as evidenced by the rising number of the Muslim middle class. Others are stuck and unable to achieve social mobility due to lack of education, discrimination in the job market and other factors.

Prof. Piscatori explained that Europeans shouldn't fear that they'll become Islamised by 2030 (or whenever); the numbers of Muslims in Europe are often exaggerated and are actually just about 15% at the greatest estimate (he quoted numbers polled by the Pew Forum). He also mentioned something very surprising: terrorist acts by Muslims in Europe from 2006 to date are actually LESS THAN ONE PERCENT.

This is definitely not the sort of thing that we see or read on the BBC, CNN, Deutsche Welle or Paris Match. Prof. Piscatori was quoting figures collected by the Europol in their annual report on terrorism. Apparently, most acts of terrorism were actually perpetrated by leftists, separatists and eco-anarchists.

The strangeness of Muslims and Islam make them a convenient target to fresh and old fears about the changing landscape of European society, thanks to globalisation. They look and sound foreign; their women are wrapped up like birthday gifts! You can't bond with them over a glass of bitters at the pub after work, and they have this strange habit of washing their face and hands and feet and falling on their face several times a day in the same direction.

There is this concept in Islam about strangeness and being strangers in the land. It is not regarded as a bad thing to not conform with those who are corrupt. It is, in fact, an ideal. However, there is a fraction of a fraction of a percent who, in their failure to participate in the society on their terms, respond with misanthropic reactions such as bombings in public places and killing people one perceives as the enemy combatant.

It makes non-Muslims think of Muslims this way:

Stolen from http://harvardhumanist.org/2012/12/19/the-misanthropic-humanist/

when they are actually:

Out to support the slain soldier by the ravening mad fellow in Woolwich.

But to go back to the figures, LESS THAN ONE PERCENT of the terrorist acts are committed by Muslims. We don't quite see the sensationalisation of Basque separatists (have you even heard of who they are?) or Italian anarchists (aren't they busy doing fashion-related stuff and/or eating pasta?). Because to the European, these people are not the weird OTHER as Muslims are in their society. So they don't make as good as a boogeyman as these Quran-quoting, hijab/bearded people who speak with a funny accent.

As rightly pointed out by Kenan Malik,

"The real issues we need to confront are issues such as the contemporary sense of social disengagement, and not just among Muslims, the corrosion of the institutions of civil society, the lack of a progressive counter-narrative, the collapse of the organizations of the left, and the continual attacks on liberties in the name of security."

*read the rest here.

Towards the end of his talk, Prof. Piscatori touched on the crisis of multiculturalism in Europe: is it a choice between imposition of liberal values on a conservative society or tolerance of difference? Would tolerance of difference actually promote segregation? What is real integration? Is it better to choose assimilation and conformity or empowerment for social participation?

I am sure I was not the only who think that this is a mirror to the social situation in Malaysia. We pride ourselves on being Truly Asia; we are a hodge podge of culture, language and appearance. But as we could see after the 13th general election, we still have a great deal of suspicion towards one another, we poke and whisper behind each other's back, we still clutch our nasty thoughts about the "Others" close to our breasts.

Hence, this song is sincerely apropos to our situation.



Communication is not a threat. We should start talking to one another and not just lambast and share inflammatory stuff on Facebook and Twitter. We should actually connect in the real world, find out what the other fella eat, drink, watch and which football association he/she backs. We should learn about their faith and customs, and share with them our own practices so that we will no longer be strangers to one another.

So we will stop being "Others" to each other.

Written while listening to this.

In the land of make believe ...

.... you're mine tonight
... although you are far away



I fell in love with Dusty Springfield thanks to Jennifer Crusie's Welcome to Temptation, one of the shiniest example of screwball romantic comedies in print. A woman forced to make soft porn in a small town and fell in love with the mayor who's fighting against an anti-pornography law? Classic. I love to belt along to Dusty (singing badly, I will admit) as I tool down the highway in my cute compact. But this post is more than just a rec of my favourite author and 60's singer, but an examination of how badly you can screw up your life if you are unable to get out of the land of make believe.

Fantasies are one of the most amazing creative forces that shape human existence. Our lives are enriched by it; either we enjoy the escapism of our own day dreams or we enjoy the artistic output of other fantastic minds (Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, etc.). Fantasies can help us cope with traumatic events by providing a happy ending (that didn't happen) or softening the blow (the Nile ain't just a river). There are those who scoff at people who fantasises or daydreams, thinking that keeping your feet firmly on the ground is the only way to live. But hey, different strokes for different folks, aye? Being a killjoy ain't gonna make your virtuousness any more palatable when you shove 'em down other people's throats.

But there is a dark side to fantasies as well, they're not just unicorns and enchanted gardens. Some of us entertain thoughts and ideas that are contrary to normative values of the society we live in (not to mention stuff that would get you either stuffed into a straight jacket and drop-kicked into a maximum security prison). No matter how perverted or twisted your fantasies are, so long as they remain just that, fantasies that is, it shouldn't be a problem.

Or would it?

Armin Meiwes was born in the wrong country and time. If he were a native of Papua New Guinea prior to the 20th century, human meat would have been available on the menu to satisfy his palate (perhaps without the cordon bleu pretensions). Unlike many who would simply visit fetish sites to get their kicks, Herr Meiwes actually advertised for a human to be eaten and apparently had a few responses. Needless to say Herr Meiwes did not get away with consuming his victim; although the act was consensual (if someone doped to the gills with painkillers and liquor after chopping off his manly bits can give proper consent), Herr Meiwes is now serving a life sentence.

Recently we heard about Gilberto Valle, a police officer in New York who has been found guilty of "conspiracy to kidnap and illegal use of law enforcement computer databases to research potential targets," thanks to his cannibalism fantasy. He toyed with the idea of stalking, killing and eating his wife and a few women of his acquaintance. It wouldn't have been bad had he stopped there, but he was caught accessing law enforcement database to feed this fantasy. 

Surely this baby-faced dude couldn't want to roast and eat me?

The trial unearthed his gruesome porn habit and his chat and email records showed stalker-y tendencies that would make any sane woman shudder. Although none of his "victims" were actually harmed, but he is now considered to be a danger to society, thanks to evidence that his fantasies have bled into some actions in real life. No, he did not buy any duct tape or chloroform. But he took pictures of women of his acquaintance and shared it with like-minded cyber pals with ideas of what he would like to do to these women. His persistent queries over his wife's running route took on a sinister cast when it was discovered that he was preparing a menu featuring her as the main course.

So where do we draw the line between what we can safely fantasise and becoming a real threat to society? Minority Report, much?

If you fantasise too much, Tom Cruise will come and get you. A real horror for non Tom fans.

The revelation of child sexual abuse by the clergy and in orphanage or juvenile delinquent institutions the world over as well more reports daily about children sexually abused by their family members have gotten people up in arms and paranoid about child molesters. In the Western countries, there are sexual predators lists made available to the public and websites where you can check if you got sex offenders (particularly those who prey on children) in your neighbourhood.

Law enforcement take sexual predators of children very seriously. Many have a specific group working to identify and capture paedophiles. It is admirable and heartbreaking work as there are many children who are still injured despite their efforts. But should Lolita fantasists be penalised for their fantasy? Rachel Aviv reported the slippery slope that landed John, a military veteran unable to connect with women of his age who sought refuge in fantasising about sex with young girls, in prison.

His addiction to hardcore pornography featuring young girls being abused has led him to a sting operation that exposed him as a possible sexual offender. I found it disturbing that he could look at those pictures and get aroused, not seeing them as victims or empathising with their pain and trauma. Most child pornography are created illicitly by the abusers, unlike mainstream(?) porn featuring adults who consent (mostly) to the acts that are committed on celluloid (or digitised in these days). This dissociativeness is not unusual among hardcore porn consumers; the images are just pictures, not real people to them. Porn rewires your neural pathways for gratification; it keeps consumers going for greater kinkiness because they can no longer get off with plain vanilla sex.

Many would say that if the law enforcers did not entrap him, John is highly unlikely to act on his fantasies. After all, the man still knows right from wrong and is aware that his fetish is illegal. He had not abused any girls; most of his sexual encounters were with prostitutes.  But would his fantasies have just remained on his desktop computer and not getting him to purchase an airline ticket to a holiday destination that is known to offer child sex workers? We will never know.

It is a great leap from watching porn to actually committing the acts you watch, true. Just like millions who play Grand Theft Auto never go on shooting sprees. The Internet is a wonderful tool to connect with other people who share similar ideas and engage them in role-plays and fantasies. However, it is incredibly sad that a man who had served in the military, considered a competent man in his area of expertise but was so crippled by his poor social skills that he attempted to find a sense of belonging among such a dastardly community.

Therefore, when the fodder of your fantasy tends to be the kind that WILL land you in prison, you have to be extra careful about committing acts that can be construed as turning your fantasies into reality. Or you could be like John, behind bars for the better part of twelve years without even living out his fantasy.

No kidding?

Heh. It has now been verified. You got to stand up for your right, ladies. Cos the men ain't just gonna hand it over.

The Civic Origins of Progressive Policy Change: Combating Violence against Women in Global Perspective, 1975–2005

MALA HTUN and S. LAUREL WELDON (2012).
American Political Science Review, Volume 106, Issue03, August 2012 pp 548-569
http://journals.cambridge.org/action/displayAbstract?aid=8675829

Epic music is epic

I don't get book trailers. I mean, I'm a reader; my expectations are good blurbs and a chapter or two of excerpts to whet my appetite. CGIs and melodramatic smouldering glances from unknown actors? They just made me go, "Huh?"

But apparently it's pretty big in the publishing world and every week I'd get a link to the videos from the trade newsletter that I subscribe too. However, this trailer is super cool.

 

 Steampunk samurai Japan? I am *ON*, baby!

I am alarmed, all right

And I'm not even a parent.




Please, if you have boys, be alarmed too. And don't think that your son is safe just because you don't live in the decadent West.

You don't have to keep your hands to yourself

This song always makes me smile with its easy honky tonk rhythm, bringing to mind a smoky Western bar with ladies in painted on jeans and big hair and wild make up line dancing to it with men in ten gallon hats. But the deeper message of the song is not that light hearted. Basically it was about a guy who wants a little lovin' without payin', if you catch my drift.

Now, the gents may think that the lady was being a little hard on him, insisting on a wedding ring before engaging in intimacies. But many men don't appreciate that it is always the woman who is left holding the bag, or more likely, the baby. Many denigrate the pro choice team for being "baby killers" but how do you resolve the problem of unwanted pregnancies (whether within a marriage or without)? Women can lose their jobs for getting pregnant. Often they have little to no support to help them either financially, materially or emotionally to have children, even worse for those who have no partner to help shoulder the burden.



I love how this song speaks about the hard choices a woman have to make, often without support because of a mistake or even rape.

For so long the discussion about unwanted pregnancy focuses on women; how they should be more modest, don't tempt men, keep their knees together, and not have sex with men who are not their husbands (like men only have sex with their wives, hah!) and so on and so forth. Because women are the one who will get pregnant, it seems like the onus is only on them to make sure it doesn't happen.

But may I point out, gentlemen, that it takes two to tango?

Why not make it easy on the lady (or ladies, if you fancy yourself a player) in your life and partake on the amazing discovery by Prof. Sujoy K Guha and get yourself RISUG? The procedure doesn't take any longer than your visit to the dentist and you only have to get it once every ten years. Think of how much you can save on condoms! Besides which, condoms do have a failure rate of up to fifteen percent and some men are allergic to latex (you DO NOT WANT rashes on your precious dangly bits or the need to carry EpiPen to ensure the post-coital panting isn't anaphylactic reaction).

So take responsibility for your sexuality, gentlemen and do the right thing! Do it even if your DNA is super amazing and demands propagation! Unless, of course, you wanna be pickin' up the child support cheque. In which case, by all means go forth and multiply.

Note: If you are in the habit of bed hopping, then you need to use condoms (latex or polyurethane) to ensure that the bodily fluids you share ain't gonna carry nasty critters to your partners (or you acquiring said nasty critters). It's kinda awkward having to ring up a bed partner three weeks later to inform her that she may need to pay a visit to the friendly neighbourhood STD physician, you know?

Eco or echo living?

On Saturday night, everyone was eager to participate in the Earth Hour and plunged themselves into darkness for sixty minutes. Which cannot be too dark what with streetlights and billboards etc. Yes, I am assuming you live in a city or at least the suburbs. It is doubtful anyone who lives in the middle of the jungle bothers very much about Earth Hour.

 See? Not very dark at all.

(Under cut for lengthy rants and a scary video)

Zombiepocalypse Valentine

Captain Obvious

Don't we wish we have the mental agility for such elegant and witty responses in the face of Captain Obvious when they cross our path?

Your online privacy is ephemeral, kids

If you have kids and they have Facebook, it behoves you to check out what they are up to online every so often.



I felt for this guy, I do. Heck, his kid and I aren't too dissimilar, except I'm not stupid enough to bitch about my parents on Facebook when my Dad works in IT.

Greatest love of all ...

In my blog-hopping adventures, I was privileged to find all kinds of interesting stuff: from amateur Malaysian porn (freely available with no passwords, mind you) and how to make tiramisu cake as well as semi-fictitious accounts of life in the armed forces.

No, I am not going to share the porn sites. You can look for it yourself. It's easy.

But today I found a most profound observation about naughty children and us. Who of us have never given the lethal evil stare to children who ran over our feet with their roller sneakers in the shopping mall? (I freely admit to a burning desire to stick my foot out and see them fly over the Center Court ballustrade at Midvalley). Or the screaming running children in the mosque/temple/church before/during/after prayer times? What about the kids who stole the semi-ripe mangoes from your tree, ate half of it and threw the rest away where you can see it?

Do we ever recall that we were once pain-in-the-arse-little-shites ourselves?

Okay, perhaps some of you were perfect little angels who never questioned the authority, get dirty or done something that felt so good at the time but later regretted. But the point here is that we all evolve.

There have been students from religious schools turned whore-monger and drunkard when they experienced the bright lights of the big city for the first time. There are those who used to raise hell, found God and is now living an examplary life. We all capable of change as well as being agents of change.

Let's show a little more compassion to the naughty little ones and show them the better example of being the best that they can be. In a good way, of course.



And not follow Whitney Houston's crash and burn. Keep remembering that we all live in glass houses; no one can afford to throw the first stone.

One of the most retarded ads I've ever seen.

Sorry for not being politically correct but I have no other of expressing how I feel.

Song that make you go hmm ...

and then think.



Stolen from Ashare Alias' post. There are lyrics there.

This is mega TAK SENONOH!

You have been warned. Seriously skirts Not Safe for Work-ness.

But the reason I wanted to share this video is because it examplifies how tolerance and accommodation of the needs of both partners can lead to a harmonious relationship.

Go forth and multiply!

How big is the biggest family you know? 8 children? 12? 29 kids by way of 4 wives?

How about 150 kids?

No, I am not kidding. A sperm donor in North America has fathered 150 offsprings based on the tracking records by this website. That's right. One man. 150 kids. One donor fathered 70 children and had to keep track of them using a spreadsheet. Genetically speaking, this is unhealthy, not to mention increasing the risk of inadvertent incest from siblings who are unaware that they share the same father. Yeah, yeah, the pro-'cest camp will say that the incest taboo is a social construct, but consanguinuous relationships often produce unhealthy offspring who may suffer from physical and/or mental disabilities.

Sperm donation (intentionally or inadvertently due to cheating) has been around since time immemorial to overcome the problem of the male partner shooting blanks (or is just an annoying git whose genes must NOT reproduce). But never has it hit in such a big way as it does today with fertility clinics and sperm agencies flourishing to fulfill baby-making needs world-wide.

I often wonder what drives a man to donate his sperm. Is it out of altruism to help infertile couples? Is it an ego boost thing to be populating the world with his little babies whom he doesn't have to support? Or is it as simple as because the financial transaction for a few fapping sessions is pretty lucrative? (Apparently you get paid more if you are nice looking and have a college degree, but do recipients really know if the donor looks like Brad Pitt or a troll, particularly for anonymous donation?)

The question of sperm donor motivation has been the focus of several studies. A 1994 study in Scandinavia painted that the majority of the donors are driven by monetary gain. I guess a guy gotta finance his grad school education some way; not everyone could be a singing telegram or strip for Chippendale. Or maybe just an ordinary guy wanting to pay his bills.

Paternity is a word that is both frightening and exciting. If it was something sought by a guy, it is probable the happiest news ever. Unless of course, he's left holding the bag for someone else's seed. Or became an inadvertent daddy like the guy in the video below. 

(One of the best romance novels trope, yo.)



Now that we have welcomed the 7th billion person on this planet, should we keep multiplying like bunnies?

*contemplate*

WTF moment of the week: Wednesday

It goes both ways. :p

Thinky thoughts

We grew up bombarded by images; stills and videos, in our media saturated world. I am sure many of us are skeptical about the idea of subliminal messages and how we are manipulated to buy, to believe, to act, by a group of nameless and faceless people driving media corporation.

But how many of us believe that pretty girls cannot do maths? How many of us believe that blondes are hotter than brunettes? How many of us obsess over what a female senior administrator look like rather than how well she can do her job?How many of us believe that women are emotional, conniving jerks? If you ever entertained such thoughts, please watch the video below.



If you have mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, I hope you rethink your stance.

There is hope!

... in the face of freaky people who don't believe in science.

Totally WTF.

Join the revolution!

The green one, m'dear.

(Video under cut for sheer NSFW-ness)

Saying it ...

... with fans?

Apparently, Georgian flirtation is a lot more subtle than we believe.



Ah, the fickleness of young love ...

(Stolen from Two Nerdy History Girls)