Let's Love Everyone, and Let Allah Sort It Out

If you are born a Muslim in Malaysia, chances are you grew up being told that homosexuality is evil and gay people should be punished/killed/fixed. That indoctrination starts as early as seven years old and if you're lucky, stops when you are seventeen. 

Yup, I'm talking about the religious study classes that are mandatory for all Muslim children who attend government schools.

I was no different, and what's worse, I grew up in the 1980s at the height of the AIDS epidemic. I was a precocious reader, material-wise, and had begun devouring the broadsheet by the time I was nine years old. So imagine being told that the people of Lot is evil, and lo and behold! They are dying in the most terrible ways all over the world.

I went to an all-girls school so statistically speaking at least 1 out of 10 of my friends is gay. There was a transwoman in my parents' social circles; but everyone seemed to accept her as a woman although there may have been sniggers about whether a woman's wudhu is invalided after shaking hands with her.

As the majority, it behooves us to be aware of the lived experience of the minorities, which include those of the LGBTQIA community. Understanding can only create empathy and acceptance, unless you are a pathological sociopath. As said by Mahatma Gandhi, “A nation's greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members.” 

Mars and Venus in one

Have you ever thought what it's like to live as the opposite gender? I occasionally dreamed I am a man; boy, those dreams were fun. There are no drawbacks to being stronger, taller than other people; no one complained when I dominated the conversation.

This is an interesting viewpoint of someone who has experienced living as both a man and a woman.


Welcome to being mansplained, Paula.

Midweek Sh*ts and Giggles

I am a firm believer of the female gaze on the male form. I ardently support using men as sexual objects. Hence, my adoration for this song.



Enjoy.

Have a great week ahead!

G is for Gender

(find the lyrics to Arcade Fire's We Exist here)

No, I am not a fan of Arcade Fire but this video caught my eye for obvious reasons (Andrew Garfield, duh).

"GIRLS WHO ARE BOYS

WHO LIKE BOYS TO BE GIRLS

WHO DO BOYS LIKE THEY'RE GIRLS

WHO DO GIRLS LIKE THEY'RE BOYS

ALWAYS SHOULD BE SOMEONE YOU REALLY LOVE..."

Blur - Girls and Boys

This song was the anthem I bopped along to during my pre-u days when Damon Alban and the rest of the second wave of British Invasion ruled the airwaves. We innocently sang along to it without real thought to the underlying meaning of the lyrics.

I enjoy dreams where I am a man (except the time I morphed into John C Reilly complete with flannel shirts); it is amazingly liberating to be so physically dominating, let me tell you. Do men ever dream of being women, I wonder.

"Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short, wear shirts and boots. ‘Cause it’s OK to be a boy. But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading. ‘Cause you think that being a girl is degrading. But secretly, you’d love to know what it’s like… Wouldn’t you? What it feels like for a girl."

— Charlotte Gainsbourg

I am among those who benefit from this sexism. I can keep my hair ear length  and no one blinks when I buy my shorts from the men's section (women's shorts are too indecent. They barely cover my fat bum). However, all these didn't do squat to make me manly nor do I ever want to abandon my bright lipsticks.

Some people may say that gender is nothing more than a social construct that depends on your location. In some parts of the world, men keep long hair (e.g. Comanche, Iroquois nation) and wear dresses (the Arab men robes are damn comfy and I love wearing them too). Hence, outward manifestation of gender is a fluid thing and has time-place setting parameters to them (Georgian men in Europe used powder and maquillage).

What's it like to be a girl? What's it like to be a boy? For those who do not experience gender dysphoria, these are silly questions. But for those who have felt like they have been in the wrong body for their entire life, it's no laughing matter. It's a terrible discordance to live with and one I wouldn't wish on anyone at all.


The transgender community are often victims of violence and untoward aggression. They are discriminated against not just in terms of service provision, but also in employment and other social mobility. This often pushed them into doing sex work where they are made further vulnerable to violence and limits their economic advantage.

I think we should strive to be kinder to transgendered people. I know that many use religion to smack down transgenders, but if you consider gender dysphoria as something organic, don't you think that it's God's will that they are they way they are? It's not their fault, nor is it something they sought after. So why can't we leave them be and just accept them as they are?

Oldie is not goldie

It is not uncommon to see sunrise/sunset couples. Yes, the kind where the dude could be mistaken as the dudette's father or even grandfather.

Case in point:

Media troll and vitriolic partner.

Beauty and Daddy.

Why don't these sort of partnerships raise brows, unlike:

 They hot together, no?

Both are drool-worthy, regardless of the way you swing.

Is it because partnership has to be about a resource provider hooking up with the best of baby factories? After a certain age, women develop menopause and can happily throw away the birth control pills, intrauterine device, estrogen patches, etc that helps them make sure no unexpected babies pop up (or out)*. For some reason, this leads to a devaluation of women in the eye of society; conveniently forgetting the wisdom that comes with age and the inner sex goddess unleashed by freedom from getting knocked up (also, who discovered the joy of self acceptance, unlike self loathing nymphs in their twenties).

It is okay for older men to hook up with younger women, right?  Men remain potent shooters of baby makers till the day they drop dead. Well, guess what?

Just 'cause you can shoot, don't mean you should.

Older fathers are more likely to pass on joyful stuff like sporadic schizophrenia (where you sometimes hear voices and may/may not go manic), osteogenesis imperfecta (where the offspring is so fragile that a strong sneeze could break a bone, kinda like this guy) and autism (it's not all like Rain Man) to their hapless offsprings. This is because the older you are, the greater the likelihood for your testicles to produce error-riddled sperms. Not to mention that fathers transmit 4 times more mutations than mothers.

And no, just because you are over 35 years old, it doesn't mean that your mutant sperm is going to produce X-Men in the next generation. Nature is cool, but it ain't a comic book.

I do have a predilection for this man, er ... Gambit.

* Caveat: Do not throw away the condom. You don't know where he's been. Learn the lesson from senior citizens who developed nasty stuff like HIV, herpes and syphilis.

Macho macho man?

What makes a male human being manly?



I am glad that I am a female. I enjoy everything about being female, from the softness of my skin, to the lushness of my body, even the insanity that plagues me when the red flag is raised. I am hugely appreciative that I can enjoy and express my emotions and no one will call me on it and scream, "BE A MAN!" I don't have to pretend to not have fear, to not have insecurities, and I don't need to hide what is percolating in my head (to a certain extend, otherwise they'll put you in a mental institution).

However, I get to do all that because I am a female. But men can't do this; especially those conditioned in a machismo culture. Unfortunately, machismo is not helping men become manlier. It cripples men from exploring God's gift of emotions and to be honest with the most basic parts of themselves. When I read about the Prophet Muhammad: about his kindness, his unabashed affection for his wife(ves) and children and grandchildren, his gentle ways, his openness of his tears; all things that are contrary to the rough and ready Arab culture of those days, I am amazed. This was a *real* man who stood for what he felt was right, enjoined righteousness and did not fear society's anger or reprisal.

My fear is that machismo is often a slippery slope that leads to arrogance, misplaced pride and violence. Quite often the violence is directed towards the weaker ones, be it women, children, and even other men.



Let's kill the machismo that is strangling men. Because they deserve better.

When the shoe is on the other foot

Empathy: the feeling that you understand and share another person's experiences and emotions : the ability to share someone else's feelings. (Merriam-Webster dictionary)


I enjoy my dreams where I was a male; not many women know how amazing it is to be a man. When you are stronger and taller, with a deeper, louder voice, you see the world very much differently. You treat and judge people, particularly of the opposite sex differently. Possession of the Y chromosome comes along with a different perspective not just shaped by culture and upbringing, but also from atavistic mannerisms cultivated over milennia that are expressed with the testosterone gene.

As a feminist, I get very angry when men pooh pooh away issues that women have to deal with on a daily basis. Being considered an object, for instance. Whether you wear a bikini or a burqa, society feels that it has a right to comment and dissect and praise and denigrate your clothing choices. Why don't men who wear tatty jeans and food-stained t-shirts get the same disdain? What about the men who wear Speedos in public when it is clear that they do NOT have the physique for it?

When a woman is physically assaulted, the questions that follows are:

1) What was she wearing?
2) Where did this happen?
3) What was she doing when it happened?
4) Was she drunk?

Because it boils down to blaming the victim mentality: that the victim did something, ANYTHING, that provoked the attack. The thing is, no victim asked to be assaulted. It doesn't matter the clothes, the place, whatever. Good men do not assault women. Good men do not assault anyone. But the figures that are reported every so often on domestic violence, criminal assaults and so on indicates that there are very many bad men out there.

I think men take a lot of issues that women are concerned about for granted because physically they get to be at the top of the food chain. Perhaps these videos could help make men understand what it's like when the shoe is on the other foot.




And this.



So please. Have some empathy for the travails that plague half of humankind. You may be one man but you have a role to play. Be an example. Teach your sons that there are better ways to get a girl's attention than swiping at her bum or catcalling. Teach your sons that no one has a right to touch another individual without consent. Call out when another man behaves badly towards the women in his life.

It has to start somewhere. Why not with you?

QUIT BLAMING THE VICTIM

Just. Stop.

Stolen in entirety from here.

Sugar and spice and everything nice

The truth?

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Indecision Political Humor,Video Archive

*rubs chin thoughtfully*

Did this guy just destroy your Madonna/whore illusion about women?

*chortle*

Never tell a bitch to drop a size

I've never heard of the original song nor am I interested to watch the MVA controversy with Miley Cyrus twerking to Robin Thicke.

But this? Is awesome.

NSFW. You have been warned.



 

In the land of make believe ...

.... you're mine tonight
... although you are far away



I fell in love with Dusty Springfield thanks to Jennifer Crusie's Welcome to Temptation, one of the shiniest example of screwball romantic comedies in print. A woman forced to make soft porn in a small town and fell in love with the mayor who's fighting against an anti-pornography law? Classic. I love to belt along to Dusty (singing badly, I will admit) as I tool down the highway in my cute compact. But this post is more than just a rec of my favourite author and 60's singer, but an examination of how badly you can screw up your life if you are unable to get out of the land of make believe.

Fantasies are one of the most amazing creative forces that shape human existence. Our lives are enriched by it; either we enjoy the escapism of our own day dreams or we enjoy the artistic output of other fantastic minds (Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, etc.). Fantasies can help us cope with traumatic events by providing a happy ending (that didn't happen) or softening the blow (the Nile ain't just a river). There are those who scoff at people who fantasises or daydreams, thinking that keeping your feet firmly on the ground is the only way to live. But hey, different strokes for different folks, aye? Being a killjoy ain't gonna make your virtuousness any more palatable when you shove 'em down other people's throats.

But there is a dark side to fantasies as well, they're not just unicorns and enchanted gardens. Some of us entertain thoughts and ideas that are contrary to normative values of the society we live in (not to mention stuff that would get you either stuffed into a straight jacket and drop-kicked into a maximum security prison). No matter how perverted or twisted your fantasies are, so long as they remain just that, fantasies that is, it shouldn't be a problem.

Or would it?

Armin Meiwes was born in the wrong country and time. If he were a native of Papua New Guinea prior to the 20th century, human meat would have been available on the menu to satisfy his palate (perhaps without the cordon bleu pretensions). Unlike many who would simply visit fetish sites to get their kicks, Herr Meiwes actually advertised for a human to be eaten and apparently had a few responses. Needless to say Herr Meiwes did not get away with consuming his victim; although the act was consensual (if someone doped to the gills with painkillers and liquor after chopping off his manly bits can give proper consent), Herr Meiwes is now serving a life sentence.

Recently we heard about Gilberto Valle, a police officer in New York who has been found guilty of "conspiracy to kidnap and illegal use of law enforcement computer databases to research potential targets," thanks to his cannibalism fantasy. He toyed with the idea of stalking, killing and eating his wife and a few women of his acquaintance. It wouldn't have been bad had he stopped there, but he was caught accessing law enforcement database to feed this fantasy. 

Surely this baby-faced dude couldn't want to roast and eat me?

The trial unearthed his gruesome porn habit and his chat and email records showed stalker-y tendencies that would make any sane woman shudder. Although none of his "victims" were actually harmed, but he is now considered to be a danger to society, thanks to evidence that his fantasies have bled into some actions in real life. No, he did not buy any duct tape or chloroform. But he took pictures of women of his acquaintance and shared it with like-minded cyber pals with ideas of what he would like to do to these women. His persistent queries over his wife's running route took on a sinister cast when it was discovered that he was preparing a menu featuring her as the main course.

So where do we draw the line between what we can safely fantasise and becoming a real threat to society? Minority Report, much?

If you fantasise too much, Tom Cruise will come and get you. A real horror for non Tom fans.

The revelation of child sexual abuse by the clergy and in orphanage or juvenile delinquent institutions the world over as well more reports daily about children sexually abused by their family members have gotten people up in arms and paranoid about child molesters. In the Western countries, there are sexual predators lists made available to the public and websites where you can check if you got sex offenders (particularly those who prey on children) in your neighbourhood.

Law enforcement take sexual predators of children very seriously. Many have a specific group working to identify and capture paedophiles. It is admirable and heartbreaking work as there are many children who are still injured despite their efforts. But should Lolita fantasists be penalised for their fantasy? Rachel Aviv reported the slippery slope that landed John, a military veteran unable to connect with women of his age who sought refuge in fantasising about sex with young girls, in prison.

His addiction to hardcore pornography featuring young girls being abused has led him to a sting operation that exposed him as a possible sexual offender. I found it disturbing that he could look at those pictures and get aroused, not seeing them as victims or empathising with their pain and trauma. Most child pornography are created illicitly by the abusers, unlike mainstream(?) porn featuring adults who consent (mostly) to the acts that are committed on celluloid (or digitised in these days). This dissociativeness is not unusual among hardcore porn consumers; the images are just pictures, not real people to them. Porn rewires your neural pathways for gratification; it keeps consumers going for greater kinkiness because they can no longer get off with plain vanilla sex.

Many would say that if the law enforcers did not entrap him, John is highly unlikely to act on his fantasies. After all, the man still knows right from wrong and is aware that his fetish is illegal. He had not abused any girls; most of his sexual encounters were with prostitutes.  But would his fantasies have just remained on his desktop computer and not getting him to purchase an airline ticket to a holiday destination that is known to offer child sex workers? We will never know.

It is a great leap from watching porn to actually committing the acts you watch, true. Just like millions who play Grand Theft Auto never go on shooting sprees. The Internet is a wonderful tool to connect with other people who share similar ideas and engage them in role-plays and fantasies. However, it is incredibly sad that a man who had served in the military, considered a competent man in his area of expertise but was so crippled by his poor social skills that he attempted to find a sense of belonging among such a dastardly community.

Therefore, when the fodder of your fantasy tends to be the kind that WILL land you in prison, you have to be extra careful about committing acts that can be construed as turning your fantasies into reality. Or you could be like John, behind bars for the better part of twelve years without even living out his fantasy.

Pornography is to sex ...

... what McDonalds is to food.

An examination of pornography as industrialisation of sex and how it feeds toxic masculinity that actively participates in the vicious cycle of victimisation and sexual violence.



Oh dear ...

Slow start to the new year

Holy God!

I just remembered today that January is almost over and my last post here was last year for Christmas. In my defense, I have just started a new job, has a steep learning curve to keep up to (and slipping down the slippery slope every so often) and has been falling asleep before 11 pm on a daily basis.

When is a girl gonna have time to update her blog? Does anyone read me anyway?

But then I recalled that my aim for starting this blog wasn't to impress anyone with my (lack of) mad writing skills. I did it to have a repository of some kind to store items that crossed my way that are:

1. Interesting
2. Funny
3. Made me think

I noticed that my writing has slowed down since I got me a smartphone after mooching phones off of my Dad and Sis for the past unknown years. Yeah, the first time I forked out a tonne (or what felt like it) of money for a toy that's gonna be rendered obsolete in a few months time. But in the mean time, I have been using the Flipboard app to read interesting stuff from the New Yorker, Chicago Tribune, Al-Jazeera, The Atlantic, BBC World, The Atlantic Wire, Forbes Tech News, Futurity.org, Popular Science, NYT Bits and many more.

So now I am inundated with COOL STUFF TO READ. Well, as long as my battery is still alive, that is; my addiction to Word Feud puts a significant dent on my battery. But the drawback to using the smart phone is that the multitude of access to COOL STUFF TO READ has kinda slowed down my writing; I still haven't figured out how to update my blog using the phone. On the other hand, typing is darn slow (*shakes fist at touchscreen keyboard*) and redolent with spelling errors (no, auto correct doesn't always help).

Anyhoo, I am promising myself (hah!) that I shall work harder on writing on this blog (and the others that I have, hehehe) and to post something at least once a week. We'll see how that goes.

Well, inaugural post for the year is of course sharing prurient stories (which are always the best kind) with a scientific bend. The first of which is good news for men who drink green tea and take the little blue pills to keep their soldier upright. A team of Japanese researchers from Kyushu University have found that the healthily arousing cocktail is beneficial to suppress cancer or to promote the effectiveness of chemotherapy on cancer. Of course this exciting experiment has been conducted only on rodents at the moment, but I am sure there won't be a lack for human volunteers.

And other non-Homo sapiens volunteers.
(Stolen from http://morgueradio.blogspot.com/2009/06/lol-cats-and-immortal.html)

So far so good, right? Hehehe. Not quite.

Bad news for Internet porn aficionados is next. Apparently, viewing Internet porn  has serious effects on your working memory. So if you have been missing appointments, forgetting your significant other's birthday (how could you with Facebook?) and finding it difficult to concentrate on work, take a long, hard look at your Internet porn habits. Granted, the study was only on a small number of men (n=28, all claiming to be straight), but it is highly likely that the same outcome will be seen in females as well as non-heterosexual males AND females.

Spanking the monkey wasn't an experimental parameter in the study.

(Stolen from http://www.inquisitr.com/wp-content/omg-masturbating-lolcat.jpg)

The Internet has helped democratise pornography. Previously, it can only be obtained furtively from shady stores and if you are from countries that heavily censors the reading and viewing material of its citizens, great pains are involved (aided and abetted by your local friendly DVD pirates). But the cyber revolution has helped everyone with a computer and a modem to access a plethora of erotic materials in various forms and genre. Gone are the days where a flash of flesh is enough to make a sex-obsessed person's (this goes for males and females of all ages, ok? No ageism) day, it seems that vanilla sex is no longer good enough for those who are actually getting some. Porn addiction has been changing expectations of both partners and not for the better. Oh dear. There are more scientific studies out there on this issue and not just a Cosmopolitan survey, but you can Google those up on your own free time.

Perhaps this new year (with the upcoming lunar new year) we should resolve to clean up our Internet habits, should this pertains to us. Ahem.

*whistles and looks innocent*

Never ever

This Public Service Announcement is under cut for sheer NSFW-ness.

Waving the red flag

Period.

Nearly all women between the ages of 8 to 58 experience the monthly haemorrhagic episodes. They have to deal with the inconvenience of leaking bodily fluid, physical discomfort that ranges from mild bloating to cramps that make you curl up and wish for death and emotional distresses brought upon by hormones gone amok.

Not just that, they have to deal with lousy jokes popped by men who snidely say, "Oh, it's that time of the month is it?"

And then this guy pops up on FB.

I would like to think that this guy was just being ironic. Of course, it actually just accentuates what a huge douche he really is and a total moron for thinking that the monthly bleeding is actually about puppy tails and candies for women.

And the reply by Bodyform?



Super awesome.

I came across this one and saw that many men would rather bleed to death than go inside a store to buy pad's for a lady.



You'd run through a hail of mortar shots to drag your friends from total annihilation but not walk into a store and buy tampons? What the fuck is wrong with this picture? Did you think that buying a feminine hygiene product will miraculously transform the junk you are so proud of with a bleeding vagina?

Women have to undergo cultural and religious persecutions for centuries because of misconceptions of a normal biological function. It is this self same function that allows women's body to accommodate a foetus (or more) and continue to perpetuate the existence of the human race. Yes, it can be messy and uncomfortable, but if men are the ones who have to suffer through menstruation and childbirth, I'll bet we'd all die out with Adam.

So gentlemen, next time the ladies in your life are going through menstruation, have a heart will ya?

You can't be what you can't see

As much as we would love to blame everything wrong with the younger generation on lousy teachers and the horrible education system, we should also own up to our role and responsibility in shaping and being the example for the younger generation to emulate. It is very hard to be something that someone TOLD you to be but not having SEEN what the example is really like.

(The rest is under cut due to lengthy rant)

Assisted enjoyment

Ever wondered why we let our genitals make so much of our decisions for us? Let science show you why.

Men and women don't enjoy themselves the same way sexually. It's basic anatomy and physiology, dummy. As you can see from the scan pictures, touch women in different areas to make her happy, different parts of their brain light up. But men? It's only 1 spot that lights up; not complicated at all.

The brain scan doesn't lie.

For men who are not very perceptive, maybe they need a CT scanner in the bedroom

Stolen from here.

Ladies, show your gentlemen this paper that if they want to keep both of you really healthy, they MUST PAY ATTENTION TO GETTING YOU OFF.

And gentlemen if you want to persuade your significant other for more nookies on a regular basis, show them this paper. Better living through sexual chemistry, it seems.

Excitement!

I love her contagious enthusiasm: I will never look at a penis (mammalian or otherwise) the same way again.



I admire how she could discuss something titillating in a funny and creepy way.

(Undercut because pretty NSFW)

Human behaviour

As eloquently elucidated by Bjork.

I just discovered that what I thought is my pretty decent gaydar is likely to be accurate only about 60% of the time. I am not sure what good this would be except to make sure that I don't hit on guys who have "Daddy" fantasies rather than James Bond and Pussy Galore role plays.

Experimental music

You will never look at contraceptive is the same way again. Me gusta.