I have a friend who has never been successful in growing a beard. He would be green with envy at the luxuriant facial hair sported by other men and bitch about the pathetic stubble that was the product of losing the razor for 3 weeks.
Dude, people are doing research on it. Perhaps you just don't have the right genes for it.
*pats him in commiseration*
Who says science geeks aren't creative?