Friday, August 6, 2010

Scientists say the darndest things

Many people become scientists because they have a passion for finding answers. Me, I'm okay with other people doing the work and me being told the answer. I guess I'm just lazy.

But what are the burning questions that are being answered courtesy of your
hard-earned tax-payers' money?

1. That male ducks outstrip the Homo sapien variety in terms of sexual appendages.
    a)  The male duck penis can change shapes (giving new meaning to screwing).
    b) The male duck penis can grow 25% larger than normal during mating season (guys, forget those pumps and enhancers; you are a confirmed loser in the evolutionary battle for larger you-know-whats).

2. That it is easy to break up with your now-insignificant other via Facebook (text messages and phone calls? phbllltt. So yesterday).

3. That to measure courage in terms of brain activity, one can make people with ophidophobia bring a snake close to their face while they are stuck in the MRI machine (and get published in a high impact journal, yo).

4.  That you can measure boredom (and get funded by the military to do so).

5. That you can teach a monkey to floss (and have better oral hygiene than most Homo sapien).

Monkeys teach young to floss their teeth using human hairs
Uploaded by ITN. - Watch more comedy videos and sitcoms.

6. That you can frame someone for a crime using synthetic DNA (forget what you see on CSI; please remember that it *is* a television show).

And the list just goes on ....


Angela Gripesalot said...


as my supervisor would say, "how do your findings impact on society in general?"

i'd love to've been on the panel that granted approval to these "projects".

Snuze said...

Yep. But the snake thing is really awesome, but I don't think you can do it somewhere other than Israel. Those Jews are awesome.