Tick tock

Many people are surprised when I say that I don't hear my biological clock ticking. Just because I am a female above a certain age who is unmarried and obviously not going forth and multiplying. Does possession of mammary glands mean that one is destined to chase for motherhood at all cost?

Being married doesn't mean that one will be a parent. It can be a choice (yes, there are people who do not want children) or not. For the latter, well-meaning acquaintances (and family who should know better) often pour acid upon the gaping wound by asking (pointedly and otherwise), "When are you gonna have children?"

I have decided to never ask a married person that question; having known some couples who try so hard and still not blessed with rugrats. Having snide comments about your fertility and queries of family planning (what business is it of yours, seriously?) is very painful and embarrassing. So if you fall into the nosy and tactless category, please, rethink what you want to say and when you want to say it.

It seems easy to say adoption should be the way to go for those not blessed, but not very many people are willing and/or able to love children who is not their flesh and blood. It can boil down to an evolutionary imperative, but sometimes you just don't have that kind of love. It's not a bad thing, but we should be honest because adoption isn't like the mail; there is no return to sender.

A little non-sequitur, but ...

Why not adopt an embryo instead?

(Okay, fine ... I can't figure out a better segue, so sue me)

You can track down the family history of your child and even have an extended family for him/her if you want (Canada practices open adoption). Of course, it will open a whole can of worms later on (what if the adoptive parent(s) die? Must the biological parents take up responsibility?) but I think it can be a logical solution. The mother and father can bond over the child during the pregnancy and it is very clear that the child is not theirs genetically but can be theirs in every other way possible.

It is definitely a logical solution for unmarried Muslim women who wants to have children and also experience being pregnant. They can't go for the turkey baster method as it is haram (forbidden) to have children with men with whom they are not married (i.e. the sperm donor). However, here is a chance for you to adopt a child and enjoy the pregnancy experience to boot.

So, what are you waiting for?

You are what you eat

Is there such a thing as too much fibre?

You win the Internet

This is why a magnitude 8 earthquake in the Pacific can disrupt your FB moments.

OCD, much?

I don't know if people have looked into obsessive compulsive behaviour and its relationship to religious rituals. I personally know a number of people who would restart their prayers several time (each prayer time, mind you) because they are worried that they missed a step.

Religious rituals like prayer often follow a set of procedures, usually clearly proscribed. For Muslims, ablutions, clean clothing is a must and the prayers follow a certain timeline daily. As a child, I was taught that there are many rules governing the prayer rituals and missing/screwing any will mean that I have to start from scratch.

It made me very anxious about prayers as a child; and I am sure there are many who had similar experience. For some, this anxiety spills over into adulthood, or rather, become transmogrified into obsessive compulsive disorder. OCD affects people across the board, regardless of faith (or lack of them) but I do wonder if emphasis on formalities and ritualistic behaviour has anything to do with the development of OCD.

You have people who wash their hands multiple times or wipe their feet or jiggle all doorknobs three times before entering and so on and so forth. If you ask them to reflect on when these behaviour pattern start to dominate their life, could they pinpoint it? Is it related to certain admonishments (wash your hands or you'll be eating germs!) or traumatic events (the passing of a loved one) or both?

For those who find difficulty in coping with a life bound by such compulsions, help is available. Counselling and help is offered by psychologists and psychiatrists. There is nothing to be ashamed of; we all have our quirks and escapes from the bell curve of normality.

For those who always find their thoughts dominted by was was or syak or uncertainty during prayer, do read what the lovely Dr Asri has to say about this. This is definitely one of the reasons he is my favourite religious scholar of this generation.

In praise of unfaithfulness

Monogamy is overrated.

In friendships, at least. *grin*

I am blessed that I have a friend for every activity I enjoy. I have my movie kaki, my TV geek kaki, my foodie kaki and so on. My friends are a wonderful and diverse bunch, very much a smorgasbord. As delightful as they are, they can't all share all of my interest so I have a special pal for every occasion. Aren't I lucky?

So here's to friends: long may they enrich your life!

Evil can be cute

Give the mike to me!

It never failed to get my goat when Western writers write dismissively of how Islam is the reason Muslim women are oppressed / victimised / depersonalised etc etc etc. The misconception of Islam particularly by Western (or Western-trained feminists) tend to magnify misogynistic practices (that is commonly cultural, rather than religious) into painting Muslim women as victims in general. This writer made a persuasive argument why there must be a better approach towards highlighting the problems faced by Muslim women the world over and why it is important that Muslim women themselves work towards this goal.

I am fortunate to live in a Muslim country where a Muslim woman can get an education, go out to work, get married to whom she wants and wear pretty much what she wants. Reading some of the work by the sublime Fatima Mernissi and the experiences of Muslim women in other countries (particularly west of 101 degrees East) made me truly appreciate how wonderful my country can be.

Not saying that all is hunky dory here for the Muslim ladies; divorce still tend to favour men and the Syariah court is hideously slow and toothless when it comes to child support and ta'liq (conditional divorce; the man swears before witnesses during the wedding solemnisation ceremony that his wife can apply for divorce if he deserts her and/or did not provide material support and/or did not provide sexual relations and/or abuses her. The theory is that in such cases, the wife may bring supporting material to support desertion/abuse claim and the Syariah Court is to grant her a near automatic divorce.).

But surely the first religion to allow women to inherit, obtain divorce and choose her husband can not be all bad, right?

Nightmare, I has 'em.

Not quite safe for work, but let's live dangerously, shall we?



Ganked from Obefiend's Blogserius.

Pictorial shits and giggles

Not the bedmate of your dreams.


It's not just Tom Hanks in The Green Mile.


Literal, much?


Ole!


My, what a big ... rocket ... you've got. *titter*


There's some really sick shit in comics, no?


Keep it flowing, baby!


Bonding moment: lost.


And we used to fear katak pisang in the bathroom in the olden days *pfft*


Balancing skillz; I has 'em.


Very true!


And the winner of this year's Darwin's award is ...


Because in a war, you never know what the right hand is doing.

Hindsight: always 20/20 (*sigh*)

Chewing the fat

The world is full of terrible people who likes nothing better than to pigeon-hole others; may be it makes their lives easier if they can categorise individuals (a la non-scientific Linnaeus). But the uglier truth is that many people enjoy putting others down to make themselves feel better.

Skin colour, height, size, employment, disability, sexual orientation, social mobility, religion etc etc etc is fair game for segregating people into the category known as "Others". These "Other" people are denigrated, scoffed, ridiculed and held in contempt because they are different. For certain criterion, such as body size, the negative reaction can be really overwhelming.

Reading this article is very sobering, but not really surprising. How many of us have gone to a physician, asking for help and was met with contemptuous dismissal? I suppose doctors are human too and have all the requisite human failures like a meanness of spirit or prejudice, however inadvertent.

This line from the article gave me chills.

"Over the last few years, fat people have become scapegoats for all manner of cultural ills."

From global warming to skyrocketing healthcare cost? Oh wow. Surely it has nothing to do with people relishing high-energy lifestyle that strains the world's resources. *insert eye rolling*

Another line that got me thinking was " ... who wouldn’t dream of disparaging anyone’s color, sex, economic status or general attractiveness, yet feel free to comment witheringly on a person’s weight."

People seem to think that criticising you is a way of showing their concern, but I think they ought to examine their motives a little closer. Is it really concern that motivates you or is it just a way for you to feel superior over the other person? If it is the first, are you aware whether the language you used was hurtful or did you make an attempt to be clear but with consideration of that person's feelings?

Please, you can lie to others but you shouldn't lie to yourself. Your expression, body language and word choice speaks loudly of your true intention. Let's be honest. You want to make yourself feel better by making someone else feel bad about themselves. You do think that you are better than that person and that you have the right to speak what you want because you're just "concerned and being honest about the issue".

So before you want to make a personal remark to someone else regarding their appearance (or marital status and other potential minefield topics), stop and think for a while. Consider why you need to say it; if you have run out of casual conversational gambits, try the weather. It is better to be boring than to be unpardonably rude.

Just sayin'.