Not mine, but sharing

Office Buzz Words and Phrases for the 21st Century

· BLAMESTORMING

Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

· SEAGULL MANAGER

A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

· CHAINSAW CONSULTANT

An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

· CUBE FARM

An office filled with cubicles.

· MOUSE POTATO

The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

· PRAIRIE DOGGING

When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

· SITCOMs

(Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

· STARTER MARRIAGE

A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

· STRESS PUPPY

A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

· SWIPED OUT

An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

· TOURISTS

People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."

· TREEWARE

Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

· XEROX SUBSIDY

Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

· CHIPS & SALSA

Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."

· PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE

The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again. (Try not to dent the case.)

· SALMON DAY

The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

· CLM

(Career Limiting Move) Used among microserfs to describe ill- advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

· ADMINISPHERE

The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

· DILBERTED

To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character.

"I've been Dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

· 404

Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message

"404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him ... he's 404, man."

All courtesy of my friend, The Traveller.

Wallowing in auditory bliss

Many, many thanks to darling Suzi for her generosity and DD for her luggage space. I am now blissfully luxuriating in Nightwish.

Next: Rammstein!

Sloth vs industry

Existential medicine

Good news, everybody!

Apparently, hallucinogens can be good for you. However, there are caveats.

Whatever. Time to harvest my 'shrooms.

*pops a few acid before heading out*

Glove on!

It pays to have eyes behind your head.

Tick tock

Many people are surprised when I say that I don't hear my biological clock ticking. Just because I am a female above a certain age who is unmarried and obviously not going forth and multiplying. Does possession of mammary glands mean that one is destined to chase for motherhood at all cost?

Being married doesn't mean that one will be a parent. It can be a choice (yes, there are people who do not want children) or not. For the latter, well-meaning acquaintances (and family who should know better) often pour acid upon the gaping wound by asking (pointedly and otherwise), "When are you gonna have children?"

I have decided to never ask a married person that question; having known some couples who try so hard and still not blessed with rugrats. Having snide comments about your fertility and queries of family planning (what business is it of yours, seriously?) is very painful and embarrassing. So if you fall into the nosy and tactless category, please, rethink what you want to say and when you want to say it.

It seems easy to say adoption should be the way to go for those not blessed, but not very many people are willing and/or able to love children who is not their flesh and blood. It can boil down to an evolutionary imperative, but sometimes you just don't have that kind of love. It's not a bad thing, but we should be honest because adoption isn't like the mail; there is no return to sender.

A little non-sequitur, but ...

Why not adopt an embryo instead?

(Okay, fine ... I can't figure out a better segue, so sue me)

You can track down the family history of your child and even have an extended family for him/her if you want (Canada practices open adoption). Of course, it will open a whole can of worms later on (what if the adoptive parent(s) die? Must the biological parents take up responsibility?) but I think it can be a logical solution. The mother and father can bond over the child during the pregnancy and it is very clear that the child is not theirs genetically but can be theirs in every other way possible.

It is definitely a logical solution for unmarried Muslim women who wants to have children and also experience being pregnant. They can't go for the turkey baster method as it is haram (forbidden) to have children with men with whom they are not married (i.e. the sperm donor). However, here is a chance for you to adopt a child and enjoy the pregnancy experience to boot.

So, what are you waiting for?

You are what you eat

Is there such a thing as too much fibre?

You win the Internet

This is why a magnitude 8 earthquake in the Pacific can disrupt your FB moments.

OCD, much?

I don't know if people have looked into obsessive compulsive behaviour and its relationship to religious rituals. I personally know a number of people who would restart their prayers several time (each prayer time, mind you) because they are worried that they missed a step.

Religious rituals like prayer often follow a set of procedures, usually clearly proscribed. For Muslims, ablutions, clean clothing is a must and the prayers follow a certain timeline daily. As a child, I was taught that there are many rules governing the prayer rituals and missing/screwing any will mean that I have to start from scratch.

It made me very anxious about prayers as a child; and I am sure there are many who had similar experience. For some, this anxiety spills over into adulthood, or rather, become transmogrified into obsessive compulsive disorder. OCD affects people across the board, regardless of faith (or lack of them) but I do wonder if emphasis on formalities and ritualistic behaviour has anything to do with the development of OCD.

You have people who wash their hands multiple times or wipe their feet or jiggle all doorknobs three times before entering and so on and so forth. If you ask them to reflect on when these behaviour pattern start to dominate their life, could they pinpoint it? Is it related to certain admonishments (wash your hands or you'll be eating germs!) or traumatic events (the passing of a loved one) or both?

For those who find difficulty in coping with a life bound by such compulsions, help is available. Counselling and help is offered by psychologists and psychiatrists. There is nothing to be ashamed of; we all have our quirks and escapes from the bell curve of normality.

For those who always find their thoughts dominted by was was or syak or uncertainty during prayer, do read what the lovely Dr Asri has to say about this. This is definitely one of the reasons he is my favourite religious scholar of this generation.

In praise of unfaithfulness

Monogamy is overrated.

In friendships, at least. *grin*

I am blessed that I have a friend for every activity I enjoy. I have my movie kaki, my TV geek kaki, my foodie kaki and so on. My friends are a wonderful and diverse bunch, very much a smorgasbord. As delightful as they are, they can't all share all of my interest so I have a special pal for every occasion. Aren't I lucky?

So here's to friends: long may they enrich your life!