I want a perfect soul

When I first heard this on the radio, my first thought was: YES.



This song is my personal anthem; it resonates with my psyche, illuminates the darkest corners of my soul, voices the dreams I left unsaid. It has been many years, but my Pavlovian response to the opening chord remains the same.

This version by Scott Bradlee and co may not have the same shadowy depths but it's still delicious and hits the gut with a punch.



Happy Monday, y'all.

Coulrophobic no more

I've always found clowns creepy. No, I never saw or read It. I just don't like the idea of people whose faces are disguised from me; it rouses such violent impulses in me. Heck, I'd decap Ronald McDonald given the opp.

But this video goes a long way to make me look at grease-painted jesters with a little more equanimity.





But I still doubt I'd date one.

Autophagy*

Picture by alizzzz is stolen from here. 

I taste like clouds.

The scissor didn't hurt as much as I'd thought. Its point slipped through the fibre of my skin delicately, elegantly. The blades snipped through me almost by its own volition, its jaws opening and closing with unexpected gentleness, separating the threads tenderly.

I taste like clouds.

I look down as the scissors progressed from the base of my belly, moving up and up, all the way to my throat. The blades stopped. My skin separated beneath the pressure of the incision.

I taste like clouds.

Almost immediately my stuffings fell out, like eager children after the bell rang, tumbling out the door that had confined them. My stuffings billowed out like exuberant clouds racing through the sky of a sunny afternoon. It fell out between my paw-feet, pillowy soft. I could feel the pressure within me ease. My knee gave way and I slumped against the wall.

I taste like clouds.

My paw-hand trembled as I scooped up what once gave me form and dimension. It seemed wrong to leave it wasted on the floor. I didn't know what to expect. It was soft and springy, the darker pink contrasted beautifully with the pale shell of my skin.

I taste like clouds.

I squeezed my hand-paw. I thought I'd feel a tug within, but nothing. My stuffing regained its former fluff, with a faint trace of the shape of my palm. The slight breeze from the fan made it quiver. I didn't notice as more spilled out of me, decorating the floor with whimsy.

I taste like clouds.

My stuffing crossed my lips. It was like a blissful sacrament of tenderness and joy. The sweetness was indescribable. It rested on my tongue for an eternity, before my jaws moved slowly, my teeth grinding my stuffing industriously, thoughtfully.

I taste like clouds.

The adults always tell you not to play with scissors, but they don't know what I know now: the scissors were a liberator. I am now free of the weight of my form and function.

I can just be.

I am.

Free.

*Title is taken from the biology term that describes "eating one's self". Cross-posted on writing blog and Facebook.

We're damaged people ... drawn together ...

A Gentleman Undone by Cecilia Grant
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

It has been ages since I found such a refreshing voice in historical romance. I would classify Ms. Grant in the same category with Joanna Bourne and Sherry Thomas. The narration was articulated in a voice that is very reflective of the Regency era but in an accessible manner.

This book features characters that would be considered as unconventional to the mostly silver spoon characters that populated this genre: the heroine is a prostitute and the hero a failed gentleman. She chose her ruin, which is rather unusual, as penance for her past mistakes which has extorted a large toll on her. He was a former soldier who harboured a dark secret which weighed his conscience and spirit down.

I love how the story progressed towards both of them accepting each other's flaws and darkness. Their love was unflinching, unconditional of perfection, but rather, healing two damaged people who have been adrift for so long.

I also like how the Blackshears are not the hunky dory family of most serial novels; Will's decision to marry a harlot has rendered him persona non grata to most of his family except for one sister. I do believe that there will be reconciliation and acceptance in future novels and I cannot wait to see that.

Some favourite passages:

... grateful for the darkness that prevented his being seen like this, given up to sinuous gyrations like some Amazon queen's slave-dancer ...

O.M.G. *fans self frantically*

But the one that blew me away?

She stared down at him, his judge and his ravisher, appalling as the eagle who'd feasted every day on Prometheus' liver, and he as powerless as that Titan, chained to the rock, rent open, his darkest, most unspeakable secrets laid bare to her view.

Her eyes hardened. Her lips pressed tight. She leaned an inch nearer. "I love you," she breathed, just loud enough for him to hear.

Stupendous. Made me cry, laugh, squirm, and all the good stuff that a great book do that gives you the feels. Go read it.

Female protagonist: 5/5 stars
Male protagonist: 5/5 stars
Pacing: 4/5 stars
Storyline: 5/5 stars
Repeat reading factor: 4/5 stars

...

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Screwball comedy heist fun

The Chase by Janet Evanovich
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Ms Evanovich can be depended on for a fun romp of a book. This is her second collaboration with Lee Goldberg and the outcome is just as explosive and amazing as the first. They crafted such fabulous characters in Nick Fox and Special Agent Kate O'Hare, very much a throwback to the screwball comedy pairing of the Golden Age of Hollywood but with a modern twist.

This time the dynamic duo faced off with a crooked (is there any kind?) former White House Chief of Staff with a penchant for high end art and no moral compass whatsoever. I love how much Carter Grove, baddie du jour, reminded me of Donald Rumsfeld. At least this time around, he got what he had coming, unlike Mr R.

Second book usually means greater character development. Kate and Nick discovered how proximity breeds a kind of intimacy that made each go what-would-the-other-do, co-opting traits and skills, shifting perspective and ethics. Lots of international hijinks and imaginative art stealing action to spur things on; I practically inhaled this book in a single seating.

Fabulous all around. So much fun.

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Opening doorways to wonder and tragedy

Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This was not an easy book to read. I'm used to books that are more action oriented rather than introspective; the shift took some getting used to. The dilemma faced by the fifteen year old protagonist was diametrically different from my halcyon days of the same age; but some things still resonate.

Kafka is a fifteen year old boy who ran away from home to keep himself from fulfilling a terrible prophecy. Nakata was a man who lost himself at the cusp of adolescence and was rendered mentally differently abled as a result. I still don't understand why Kafka's narrative was in the present tense and Nakata's in the past, but I think that has something to do with the different trajectory of their journey.

The book have talking cats, hidden forests, and a sense of lyrical magic that intertwines through the whole story; a sense of foreshadowing, a glimmer of innocence and unexplained resonance with the psyche. A very interesting examination of Japanese culture past and present, as well as a snapshot in a moment that is neither modern nor obsolete.

This is not a book to be read and discarded; but one to be poured over and contemplated. I really had to resist the resistance to scribble on the margins just so I could keep track of what's in my head.

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Wild and Steamy

Night Shift by Nalini Singh
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Anthologies can be pretty hit and miss for me, but I'd still grab it if it has an author (or two) that I adore. This book delivered to me new novellas by Ilona Andrews and Meljean Brook (under the pseudonym Milla Vane) so I'm pretty happy about it all.

The first story was by Nalini Singh in her Psy/Changeling universe. I've not read the series but this novella gave a good introduction to the world and is intriguing enough to make me want to look up for more. Bastien Smith was a leopard on a mission to hunt down his mate but her elusive here-and-not-here scent is driving him nuts and leading him down many a false trail. When he finally found Kirby, he had to help her reconcile her with her wild side for them to come together as a whole. Steamy and sensuous are perfect to describe this little sojourn in the Psy/Changeling 'verse.

Ilona Andrews' romp with our favourite Security Chief of Atlanta's Pack and Dali Harimau was utterly satisfying and left me wanting more. The writing team did an excellent job weaving tributes to magic culture from Indonesia and other parts of the world in their writing in an engaging and respectful manner and this novella was no different. I do hope that they'll write a longer story for Dali and Jim after putting them both through the emotional wringer in their path to become a mated pair.

I don't remember if I've read Lisa Shearin before; she penned here a first-day-on-the job nightmare for her protagonist and made it feel like a prologue piece. Interesting world building, but the limitations of a novella perhaps made the story line a little clunky.

I was a fan of Red Sonja and Conan the Barbarian movies as a child. Milla Vane hit that kink here like whoa with her fabulous barbarian romance. The journey of Mala and Kavik was condensed in this intense novella with the right amount of sizzle, adventure and ass-kicking action. And what I love most was how they saved each other.

In short, this book is super fun even if the only two stories that I re-read obsessively was the 2nd and 4th novella. *grin*

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Your fangs and claws don't scare me

Radiance by Grace Draven
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

What do I love about this book?

1. Great lead protagonists?
- Check

2. Engaging storyline and pacing?
- Check

3. Good world building?
- Check

4. Fabulous use of language?
- Check

The list above is beyond dry and does not do justice to the fantastic read that is Radiance by Ms. Draven. She has a flair for writing fantasy romance with a fluid and engaging storyline and peopled with characters who are immensely likeable (even the villainous ones). I felt there was a slight shift in her writing in this book, but it is no less enjoyable than Master of Crows or Entreat Me.

Prince Brishen is happy to be the spare to the Kai royal house throne. He was resigned to marriage to Lady Ildiko of the Gauri court in order to cement trade and military relations between two nations. At first she was frightened by her groom's black claws and fangs (spoiler: he's not human); he was appalled by her pink-and-white skin and the way she could cross her large, blue eyes. But any chasm that society has created for them was bridged by shared humour, patience and respect; it was incredibly lovely the way they wooed each other.

There was plenty of action and intrigue in a book designed to whet the readers' appetite for the main course. Thanks to Radiance as a prequel, I cannot wait for more Brishen and Ildiko in the upcoming saga Eidolon.

Male protagonist: 5/5 stars
Female protagonist: 5/5 stars
Storyline: 5/5 stars
Pacing: 5/5 stars
Fun Factor: 5/5 stars
Repeat Reading Factor: 5/5 stars

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Achy breaky heart

Yeah, you now have Miley Cyrus' Dad's lone hit playing on endless loop in your head now. You're welcome.

Deadpool is a shite.

Poets, lovers and philosophers spent centuries pondering and describing the agony of heart break. Lost love, death and failures, despair and disappointment, all could break a person's heart. The pain is literal; many report a heaviness in the chest, difficulties in breathing and a host of other unpleasant physical symptoms. The thoracic discomfort is so keen that for the longest time people thought that heart break actually affects the pumping organ. Since mental distress is often fueled by the stress hormone cortisol, the elevated blood pressure, constricted blood vessels etc manifest into cardiovascular problems for those susceptible to it.

Lament and dirges are written as paeans of tribute to heartbreaks. Emo kids slash their skin, widows throw themselves on funeral pyres (male wishful fantasy), Johnny Walker consumed by the barrel, entire Afghan poppy fields injected into the blood stream, etc etc was committed because emotional pain can be so overwhelming.

And now scientists show that your heartbreak is all in your head.

Brain signature of emotion-linked pain is uncovered - health - 14 January 2015 - New Scientist

Ehehehe ... *the snicker of the heart-whole*

"If I leave you alone you will leave England."

Awaiting the Fire by Donna Lea Simpson
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

If this book was written as a "horrid novel that corrupt innocent young feminine minds" in the Victorian times, I think it would have been a bestseller. It has all the requisite: a feisty heroine, a dark, brooding hero, a tempting yet menacing villain, isolated grand mansion/castle, supernatural entities, perilous moments, misunderstandings and torrid resolution.

Sadly, I find the melodrama overwrought, the heroine AND hero annoying in their inconstancy and immaturity, the plot unnecessarily plodding and tiresome, the exposition clunky and the deux-ex-machina unsatisfactory. Not to mention that I've never enjoyed any books that feature Judeo-Christian angels anyway.

Seriously, I should stop being surprised at how much blurbs and recommendations by "notables" can disappoint.

Male protagonist: 2/5 stars
Female protagonist: 1/5 stars
Storyline: 1/5 stars
Pacing: 0/5 stars
Fun Factor: 1/5 stars
Repeat Reading Factor: 0/5 stars


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