Monday, April 12, 2010
Many people are surprised when I say that I don't hear my biological clock ticking. Just because I am a female above a certain age who is unmarried and obviously not going forth and multiplying. Does possession of mammary glands mean that one is destined to chase for motherhood at all cost?
Being married doesn't mean that one will be a parent. It can be a choice (yes, there are people who do not want children) or not. For the latter, well-meaning acquaintances (and family who should know better) often pour acid upon the gaping wound by asking (pointedly and otherwise), "When are you gonna have children?"
I have decided to never ask a married person that question; having known some couples who try so hard and still not blessed with rugrats. Having snide comments about your fertility and queries of family planning (what business is it of yours, seriously?) is very painful and embarrassing. So if you fall into the nosy and tactless category, please, rethink what you want to say and when you want to say it.
It seems easy to say adoption should be the way to go for those not blessed, but not very many people are willing and/or able to love children who is not their flesh and blood. It can boil down to an evolutionary imperative, but sometimes you just don't have that kind of love. It's not a bad thing, but we should be honest because adoption isn't like the mail; there is no return to sender.
A little non-sequitur, but ...
Why not adopt an embryo instead?
(Okay, fine ... I can't figure out a better segue, so sue me)
You can track down the family history of your child and even have an extended family for him/her if you want (Canada practices open adoption). Of course, it will open a whole can of worms later on (what if the adoptive parent(s) die? Must the biological parents take up responsibility?) but I think it can be a logical solution. The mother and father can bond over the child during the pregnancy and it is very clear that the child is not theirs genetically but can be theirs in every other way possible.
It is definitely a logical solution for unmarried Muslim women who wants to have children and also experience being pregnant. They can't go for the turkey baster method as it is haram (forbidden) to have children with men with whom they are not married (i.e. the sperm donor). However, here is a chance for you to adopt a child and enjoy the pregnancy experience to boot.
So, what are you waiting for?